Pardon me as I tell you my tale. You see I was clothed in a beautiful princess dress, and my hair was brushed just so. I was told by momma to stay clean, for Daddy I would show.
It was there that I stayed with closed, cautious play, not a speck of dirt could fall on me. When Daddy, then he’d see. I would jump around and dance with glee. But Daddy was so tired from work, he hardly noticed me.
Well, pretty dresses began to slow as off to school I should go. Here’s my chance to get Dad’s love. I’ll study hard, I’ll rise above. Well it didn’t come easy to me you see. They called me slow. They said, “She can’t read.” They laughed, they poked, they made fun of me. So, this is how the world sees me. Not so pretty, and I can’t read.
I believed the world and it’s lies. I hated myself and often cried. I punched my face. I pulled my hair. I thought and thought that no one cared. But I smiled when I should and hid all the rest.
Alas, I found solace in what I ate, bread, cookies, and cake were on my plate. I began to feed my face, and into my mouth the food did race. This worked for a while, but then I was trapped by layers and layers and layers of fat. So now not so pretty and can’t read, and to top it all off, I’m as fat as can be.
Well, I conquered my learning disability with lots of help from special tutors you see. I got straight A’s. I excelled in the music that I played, and enjoyed my time in choir while still in school. But Dad still did not notice me.
As I grew I gave up hope for a Father’s love I’d never hold. He’s always too busy just for me. So it was men’s attention I did now seek. I thought sex was love. IT IS NOT. IT IS NOT. It left me hollow, lost, guilty, and unloved. Lower and lower did I climb. I even attempted suicide.
It has taken decades to get me here, and only through the forgiving grace of Jesus, my Christ. And yet I know I haven’t arrived. But now I stand, and I have come to realize… It is not how I see myself, or how the world sees me. It’s only God I need to please. The FATHER’s love that I truly, truly need. He is the Father of us all, and He’s always loved me. He even loved me before I was me.
The mistakes I have made have helped me grow, but they all have left marks upon my soul. The Savior’s blood covered them all. Now Father sees me pure, He sees me whiter than snow. I am only beauty in His sight, and I shall dance for Him with all my might.
Now I realize there is nothing I need to be, only useful to God, Him working through me. Every talent He richly gave, may I put to use, and give Him praise. So here I stand, God, with me as the princess I was always meant to be. I dance, I sing. I bring Him praise. And Abba, Daddy…. He sees me. Abba, Daddy… He sees me.
